It was the night (actually day) before Christmas and all through the house
not a creature was stirring to help mama clean, not even a mouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
in hopes that someone who would help clean would soon be there
The teenagers were nestled all snug in their beds
while mama cooked, cleaned and slaved needing her meds
And mama in her "kerchief" (WTF?) and dirty dishes in the sink
I hoped for a miracle or at least a stiff drink!
When out of nowhere there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter
Down the hall I flew in a flash
opened the door with a smash
When what to my wondering eye should appear
but two fighting teenagers over xbox and their gear
I screamed out loud and moved so lively and quick
and said there will be no presents from St. Nick!
I've had it with you two
They'll be no more fighting I'm through!
More rapid that eagles their chores came
I shouted them out by name
Clean toilets, clean mirrors, pick up your rooms!
Use the Comet, on with the glass cleaner, use that broom!
On with the vacuum on with the dust cloth
Take out the garbage and don't move like a sloth
Pick up those socks, take your backpacks to your room, no you can't go to the mall!
Now Dash away, dash away, dash away all
Like dry leaves that before a wild hurricane fly
My temper mounted and took to the sky
Neighbors heard me shout from the rooftop
No whining no back talking I will beat your ass if you don't use that mop
As I drew in my hand and was turning around
In came St. Nick with a bound
Don't hit those children he said
but you don't understand I'm out of my head!
He spoke not another word but went straight to work
Filled the stockings then turned with a jerk
Then he layed his finger on the side of his nose
and up the chimney he rose (work with me here)
I said "what about my house?" It's still a mess
and the kids are still fighting I'm totally stressed
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
"That's not my problem bitch, single parenthood bites"
I agreed and went back to work
I apologized to the kids for being a jerk
Together we cleaned and wrapped all the gifts
gave hugs and kisses and agreed to no more tiffs
I sat down to relax and count my blessings
Today there will be no more stressing
I'll enjoy the rest of this day and love my kids with all my might...
Happy Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!