Friday, December 19, 2008

Mashed, Poked and Ignored all in the name of Healthcare

Yesterday was my annual visit to the OB-GYN. Oh what fun! Everyone can relate I'm sure. However, if your are under 40 there are things you may not have experienced yet that I have been so rudely introduced to on this last visit.

First the mammogram should be called the pancake-o-gram. My God! This hurts. I know this is necessary due to breast cancer awareness, but can't we come up with a better way to check out those girls? I asked the tech if she had ever had one to pop on her, not yet, she said...ha ha. She said the reason it was hurting "me" so bad was because I was so "dense".

I said; "What?"

She meant my breast were very dense, not much fatty tissue so that makes the "mashing" hurt more. I'm glad to know that my breast are thin since the rest of my body is full of fat! Thanks, lady.

I went in with a list this time. Do you ever get in front of the doctor and completely forget what all you wanted to tell him about? I was prepared this time. I pulled out my list, whilst sitting there in paper sheets completely naked underneath. (I was not going to be intimidated this time by the fact that I was totally naked and everyone else in the room was clothed)

I had 10 things on my list. I'll spare you the whole list but for the purpose of this post I will include the fact that I have a hemorrhoid that is acting up terribly...thanks to the birth of my 16 year old. (I guess he'll always be my little pain in the ass)

When I finished he simply said; "okay lay back and scoot down" Wow, I'm glad he listens!

He did the usual exam but without any warning he performed a rectal exam! I was totally off guard and quite offended. Was he deaf? I told him my hemorrhoid was hurting!

He said; "Well, after 40 you have to start giving a stool sample." Oh, okay then just help yourself!

So now you know, "after 40" sucks!

I had to drive all the way home sitting on my hip because my ass was hurting too much to sit on it!

Thanks for listening Doc!
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